I can't seem to get out of the house in the mornings. It has really become quite torturous and I am late to work on a pretty consistent basis which is really not like me. Now there are a million reasons why someone could have a difficult time getting out the door in the morning - finding clothes to wear, lack of sleep making you move a bit more slowly, spilling coffee and having to clean it up. You know, little things that throw you off a bit. But those are all things that happen from time to time and I usually find them pretty manageable - take care of it and move along. My problem is more consistent and more difficult to solve. I have kids and they are there in the morning while I am trying to get out of the house.
The issues are different for each but just as time consuming. Mini-me the Elder is very self sufficient and actually very helpful. She gets herself dressed, packs her school bag, gets herself together pretty quickly quite frankly - well ahead of when we need to leave. And then spends the rest of the time talking to me, asking me questions, telling me stories (yes, she does want me to be looking at her when she talks to me because there is frequently something that needs to be performed) and showing me things. I understand that this is a wonderful thing that she wants to talk to me and be with me. That understanding makes me feel positively awful when she wants to spend five minutes re-enacting something that happened at school the day before and I'm all "I really, really want to see that but I really, really need to blow dry my hair." Okay Mom. Great thanks for understanding and it doesn't bother me at all that you look like I just kicked a puppy. I am completely immune to that...no, no I'm not. Go ahead - sure, you can start at the beginning.
And, yes, she's the easy one. Mini-me the Younger? She is definitely not self-sufficient nor helpful (don't get me wrong she is just as sweet as the elder). Sure she can get herself dressed if she actually does it. Instead you will leave her in her room with the instructions to get dressed, she will answer okay, and then you will return 10 minutes later to discover that she has not made one inch of progress towards getting dressed; however, she is in the middle of a one act play with six of her dolls (she provides all of the voices) who you are pretty sure had clothes on when you left the room 10 minutes ago. When I tell her to get dressed again she finally deigns to even look at the clothes and some portion or other of the outfit simply will not do - "but I need long sleeves/short sleeves/dress/skirt/flat leggings" (yes that's right - only straight leg leggings will do - no flare on the bottom for her). The good news is that she does eventually get dressed - the bad news is that it took 20 minutes of my time for it to happen (and the chances are she still has no shoes on and doesn't know where they are). Then there is the herding downstairs and out the front door. This is a child who spends a good portion of her time in the house running. Literally running: from one end of the living room to the other, from the back of the house to the front. We refer to it as her doing her laps. But when I need to get out the door? Has a living thing ever moved more slowly? And touched more objects while walking twenty feet? With commentary on each one? While I am standing at the door mentally ticking off the time left until I will maybe miss my train if I don't get the lights, probably miss my train unless I hit no lights, or miss my train even if my car sprouted wings and I could drop the kids at their respective schools from the sky as I flew by without stopping.
For those of you who are wondering where Big Guy is in all of this with all of our equality of parenting, he's already gone. He needs to leave earlier than I do and has already done his share by taking care of breakfast and lunches. Nothing personal but that parts easy. There are no kids involved in it.
The entire process of getting ready on a weekday morning from the time I get in the shower until I leave can be anywhere from an hour fifteen minutes to an hour and a half depending upon my little precious bundles of joy. Want to know how long it takes when there is no school and they stay home with Big Guy and I just need to get my butt only out the door? I can do it in 40 minutes flat. And unlike the hour and a half torture process I actually look pretty good when I'm done.
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