Let me start by saying that I am not anti-Facebook. First of all, if nothing else, I find lots of awesome cartoons on it and it keeps me laughing and I share them and hope others laugh too. It also gives me lots of opportunities to keep in touch with people I have known and been fond of in my life, keep people up-to-date on some big happenings in my life that are not too personal to share with many (it was a great help during Sandy) and is also a great source of support and information in many cases (I am currently part of a group for people in my area affected by Sandy and it is immeasurably helpful in terms of information and general support). And, did I mention I find lots of cartoons? Yes, it always comes back to humor with me.
But with that said, I’m sure you will not be surprised to find out that I have a few opinions on some of the ways that people use Facebook and I thought I would share them. This doesn’t have anything to do with the Facebook technology itself or its strange and changing rules and set-up but rather some of the types of posts I see on a pretty regular basis that, quite frankly, drive me crazy:
- The “I’m having a cup of coffee” post. Could there be anything more unnecessary than proclaiming to the world that you are drinking a morning beverage? Or similar status updates like “eating a muffin,” “watching The View,” “going to the bathroom” (I made up that last one but really it’s not that far off). Seriously, before you post something, think about whether you would ever call someone to tell them this information. I think it is a good idea when it comes to technology to use “would I do this in person” as a guideline. Don’t say something in an email if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face and don’t post it on Facebook as a standalone comment if you wouldn’t use it as a conversation starter. Okay: if someone calls you and says “what are you doing?” and you answer “I’m sitting here just having a cup of coffee.” Not okay: dialing the phone and upon hearing hello without any further preamble announcing “I'm drinking tea.”
- The “I’m so busy I don’t know how I’ll get everything done” post. Here’s a suggestion – get off Facebook. Your productivity will soar. Enough said.
- The vague drama post: “I am done being used” “It’s times like these you know who really cares about you” “I can’t take this anymore” “How many more beavers have to die” (I made that last one up). OK, not to kick someone when they are down, but good God, this is pathetic. You might as well hold up a sign saying “just checking to see how many people care enough about me to ask what’s wrong and then I am going to bask in the attention but still probably not tell them what’s actually wrong because in all actuality it’s pretty minor or actually will make me look bad which is why I am not actually talking to anyone about it.” And then everyone takes the bait: “what is it?” “are you okay? What happened?” “you are awesome, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise” (my personal favorite - you don't even know the story and they're just awesome?) “twelve more beavers need to die to enter the Matrix” Yup, last one is made up again.
- The “name a [insert person/place/thing] without an [insert letter] in it” I am going to shoot someone if I keep seeing these. I love a challenge and the first time I saw one of these I fell for it and believed it was actually going to be a challenge. Not true – so easy it was sad. “Name an animal without an “e” in its name. If you can do this in 5 seconds you are a genius.” I’m pretty confident of my intelligence but I don’t think I’m a genius if I thought of dog. Or pig. Or cat. Or alligator. And they didn't even take 5 seconds each.
- The “if you don’t like and share this photo than you don’t [support our troops/want to end cancer/like kids/have a heart].” Well that seems fair and logical – that the essence of my charitable soul will be determined by this split second in which I choose whether or not to share this picture. I would have thought donations I have made and hours I have volunteered and friends I have cheered would come into play somewhere, but so be it. I’m throwing caution to the wind and embracing my inner rebel and not sharing or liking it. So there!
- The "it's 2 am and I should be sleeping" post. Then turn off your computer and go to bed. Have problems with insomnia? Have you not seen a single study that says looking at electronics like TVs and computers affects your ability to sleep? There are like a zillion of them. If you had spent a single second researching ways to fight insomnia (and thereby solve your problem) rather than posting useless comments on Facebook you would have seen them.
- The “at the gym on the treadmill” post – “Wow, that is just so impressive, your working out and everything. I am so impressed with your workout ethic and commitment to health and fitness. No wonder you have been looking so good in your photos lately.” I am assuming that is what you want everyone to think and say about this post. I do have a question, though – how the hell do you expect your workout to be effective if the speed you are going still allows you to type a Facebook post?
These are a few of mine – what’s your least favorite Facebook post? Let ‘em rip!
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