Hello Walkers of the
World (or at least Long Island and New York City where I spend most of my
time)! First of all, I commend you for engaging in this beneficial
activity and getting your body moving. Sure, I know some of you are
probably only walking about 20 feet from your car to the train or maybe a block
in the city, not to arise from your tush again for the rest of the day - but
you have to start somewhere right? Meanwhile, it is a good thing and that
is why it pains me to tell you that a good number of you are likely going to
get yourself or someone else killed. Since I believe in helping others, I
have some tips for you to avoid this. I assumed most of them were common
sense, but apparently not, so here we go.
- In
a parking lot, the paved area between rows of parked cars is driving space
for cars looking for a parking space or leaving the area. Don't
meander down the middle of it. This may come as a surprise, but
some drivers don't pay attention when they are driving and here you are
just walking around in the middle of what is essentially their road.
Extra dumb points for those who are looking at their phone and
can't even walk a straight line (the poor drivers look drunk, swerving
back and forth trying to avoid this wandering bozo).
- You
cross at a corner, but then walk diagonally across the road to about ten
feet further down the sidewalk and block the road for about 10 times as
long. This happens at the entrance
to the train parking lot all the time.
This is annoying for me because I am sitting there waiting to turn
into the parking lot and you are taking oh so long to get out of my way
(it might be because I am just sitting…there…waiting but the people who do
this are excruciatingly slow). This
is dangerous for you because one of these days someone is going to turn in
from the other direction, no pedestrian in site, and cream your slow ass that’s
wandering out in the middle of nowhere because you wanted to shave a few
feet off your walk.
- Cutting
through gridlock in the city against the light is not a good idea. Yes, I understand it is unbearable to be
waiting when those cars aren’t moving.
But more often than not, there’s a BMW just as impatient as you
that is pulling around that bus on the other side where you can’t see
them. Or a motorcycle. Or a moped. Or a kid on a scooter. Or a Mom with a giant stroller. Any one of these things will really hurt
when they hit you.
- Don't
run across a six lane, 55 mph highway against the light or smack in the
middle away from any lights. You think you have all the time in the
world but guess what - 55 mph is really fast and six lanes that can each fit
a truck is pretty far. Unless you are a champion sprinter, you are
playing russian roulette (and must I raise the possibility of tripping?).
And (I can't believe this even needs to be said) don't do it at
night in the rain wearing dark clothes.
Yes, I’ve seen this more than once.
And then there’s this:
 |
Yes, I understand I am posting pictures of real
people without their permission.
If they
see this and choose to pursue me through legal channels, I can only
say “Hurray! Someone I don’t know read my blog!”
|
That large green wall to
the far left is a construction wall that covers most of the sidewalk. The short white wall is a barrier they
considerately built to create a walkway for pedestrians – which the vast
majority of them are using. That lane to
the right with a graphic of a person riding a bicycle is –surprise! – a bike
lane. And that guy walking to the right
with the briefcase is an idiot. I think
there is another idiot a little bit ahead of him. Every day I see a couple of idiots walking in
here who almost get hit. They also get
cursed at (loudly, flagrantly and violently) because I imagine a bike rider who
suddenly (some of these suckers ride fast and furiously, or slow and poorly as
I’ve mentioned in the past http://mysnarkyself.blogspot.com/2013_06_01_archive.html) comes upon a pedestrian strolling in the bike
lane doesn’t appreciate that their only options are to swerve into either a
wall or moving traffic, or to hit the bike lane walker (and likely fall into a
wall or moving traffic). These are not
good options. For those who can’t bear
the suspense, they pretty much all swerve toward the traffic (is it wrong that
I wish one would take down a walker?) and have been okay so far (the cursing
usually occurs when they realize they have not been creamed by a car). I don’t
know if you people are doing this because you can’t bear to go slowly in the
crowd or you were really too dumb to realize you were in the wrong place (“wow
those bozos over there don’t even notice how empty it is on this side”) but for
just this once follow the herd.
And last, but not least, if none of the above means anything to you, let's just confirm your
status in the jungle out there. Cars weigh tons. Even with the obesity problem in America, you
do not. Therefore in any scenario involving contact between you and a
car, the car will win. Keep that in mind.
Now get walking.
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