LIRR Excels at Sucking!

Bravo Long Island Rail Road!  Every time I think you've sucked as much as you can, you sink to a new level of sucking.

I knew I was in for a treat last night when I turned the corner to the escalators down into the main LIRR waiting area and was greeted with the view of a veritable herd of people packed shoulder to shoulder, stretching all the way out to the main corridor.  This was really going to be special.

It's blurry but you get the picture.  If you wait to focus when you are
photographing random people without their permission you take too long and start to look creepy.

Even at 5:25 in the heart of rush hour it takes real talent to accumulate that many people in one place when your business is to be moving them out of that place.  But sometimes that talent is combined with an extra special dose of "don't know what the hell we are doing, really" as evidenced by this notification on the overhead screen...

It really helps when the problem
is clearly stated

A "possible" track condition in one of the tunnels.  At this point based on the train departure board, a train hadn't left the station for awhile - there were about 8 outbound stacked up with no track listed (a bad, bad omen).  How is this still termed a "possible" condition at this point?  Meanwhile they were still trying to sell "it's not so bad" to the herd as the friendly track announcer kept coming over the PA system to tell us that due to this "possible" track condition we should expect "some cancellations and delays."  Some, eh?  At this point I had been in the station about 15 minutes and all they had announced were cancellations.  You are upping your sucking factor with every minute LIRR.  I decided it was time to move to one of the farther corridors to find some room to breathe. 

This was so much better.  For about 3 minutes...and then that open area filled up too. 

Now lest you think the LIRR was not doing anything, I'm happy to say that in fulfillment of the only "some" cancellations promise, three trains actually left the station. Two took people to destinations on Long Island (not my destination,but I was happy for them) and one went to the West Side Yard. That's right, thousands upon thousands of people packed into the station and the LIRR sends an empty train to the yard. That earns bonus sucking points. 

Lest you think that *I* wasn't doing anything but seething at the stupidity of the LIRR, I'm happy to report I was multi-tasking and did some people watching whilst seething. I feel it's very important to observe my fellow humans in the midst of stressful conditions such as these to discern personality types so I know what to expect in the event of a zombie apocalypse or, even more worrisome, a sudden evacuation of Penn Station when it is chock full of angry people (seriously what would have happened if there were a fire- no one could even move!). Here's a sampling of a few of my fellow commuters in the midst of the chaos:

Must Phone Home Man:  Many years ago the actor Russell Crowe was involved in a hotel altercation after which he tried to explain to the world that he was upset because he had to call his wife to let her know he was in his hotel room and could not make that phone call and alleviate her concerns that he might be out boinking someone else injured somewhere. This guy apparently had the same problem because he just kept shouting into the phone "Honey I'm still at Penn station! No trains!  Can you hear me?!  I'm here at Penn station!  Hello?!  Hello?!  No trains leaving but I'm here.! I'm here at Penn Station!  That's why I can't get home!  No trains are leaving! Can you hear me?!"  I wanted to walk over and say "dude send a text" but I was worried she would hear me and think he was with someone else.   

Angry Man:  This guy shouts out randomly at no one in particular.  "Are you kidding me?  Not one train leaving?"  "How much longer is this going to be like this?" "You!  Do you work for the railroad (said to guy bringing over more pretzels for the Annie's express cart)? Come on get more trains going!"  "Another Ronkonkoma train?  Where the hell is Babylon?"  (To be honest I was thinking this as well). At this he decided to move somewhere else, perhaps to see if the pretzel guy could commandeer a train with him, and started shoving his way through the crowd. "Come on people move! Make a path!  This is NY, show some aggression!"  Thanks angry man. We're going to let you carry all of the aggression for us. You're doing just great. 

Chatty Lady- she maneuvers her way adeptly through the crowd settling in front of a different train status monitor each time (as though there's a magical one with good news out there somewhere). Once there she peppers the person next to her with questions on what's happening (as if they have an in with station management and can solve the whole mystery for her),  That's not so bad - but then she starts telling you what her day was like, how she feels and exactly why she has more of a need than anyone else to just get home.  Yes, I was one of chatty lady's victims.  Too much information partnered with entitlement is never a good mix for me.  

The rest of us?  I have to say we are eerily quiet.  With every cancellation announcement there's mostly a shaking of heads and some mild muttering, We've collectively given up.  LIRR you suck and there's nothing we can do about it.