Brrrrrr....

Baby it's cold outside!  And I don't mean a little chilly - I mean stinging pain on your skin, can't feel your fingers or toes and you might as well tape a tissue to the end of your nose cause it won't stop running cold.  My god, they are reporting deaths from the cold (this is not something that should happen unless you are on a remote mountain or Antarctica).

And yet, despite the frigid conditions, day after day I see people woefully underdressed for the weather.  Why?  The news has been pretty rampant with reports of the conditions so I have to assume they know it's cold.  Perhaps they don't own anything suited for cold weather?  It's Long Island - perhaps not the snowbelt but also not a bastion of warmth in the winter.  No, at the end of the day I have to assume it has to do mostly with looks and a little bit with stupidity (more on that later). Personally, I look pretty pathetic each day bundled in my down coat, hat, gloves, scarf and boots. But you know who else didn't look particularly stunning in their clothing choices?  Eskimos.  I'm following their lead - they know from whence they speak.

Here are a few of the most common blunders I see when the temperature drops:

--  Ladies, ladies - ditch the spiked heels when there is snow and ice on the ground.  Yeah, I know they make your legs look spectacular but when you are navigating a slippery train platform in a pair of shoes that you clearly have trouble walking in on a sunny day, it is an accident waiting to happen.  And if an accident happens, my train will be even more delayed.  If you must have the shoes put them in that giant bag you are carrying and change into them when you get to work.  Use the Starbucks downstairs from your office to change if you really can't bear arriving in winter gear (it’s New York, you know there’s one there)  

-- My female brethren get the second one as well.  Those ballet flats sure are cute - but without any socks with a pair of pants that come to your ankles when it is below zero with the wind chill factor?  I sympathize; my four year old only wants to wear hers as well and if given the choice would do the same as you (no, this isn’t a flattering comparison).  But if it’s frigid out, I make her wear them with thick stockings or with boots until she gets to school where she can change.  You can use the Starbucks too.

--  Bald guys - wear a hat.  My father was right - most of your body’s warmth does escape through your head.  Now this goes for everyone, but it is doubly true for you since you have no natural covering up there.  You have no hat head to contend with nor will a hat look any worse on you than the rest of us – so what’s the problem?  I see you shivering away, looking miserable – everything below your neck bundled up while your head is wide open to the elements.  It’s like putting the heat in your house on 80 and then leaving your windows open.  And no, earmuffs aren’t the solution - and aren’t a particularly good look if you ask me.

-- People, people - dress for the weather not the amount of time you plan to spend outside in it.  I always say that I dress for breakdowns, not car rides.  Which, although perhaps I take it to the extreme, is the practical way to go – and in zero degree weather practical wins.  Oh, the people (mostly men) I have seen outside in only their suit or a sweatshirt because they “won’t be outside that long.”  Because you know, nothing could ever possibly go wrong to change this.  The LIRR is never late when it is cold.   A train has never come to Jamaica and been taken out of service for some unknown reason and you need to wait *outside* for the next one.  Or your building will never be evacuated (hey a long shot but possible).  The most extreme case I ever saw of this was some idiot on the train platform when it had to be ten below in just a suit.  The train was 45 minutes late.  He did this because his interview was in Penn Station  (I was right next to him and heard everything, albeit in a stuttering, shivering voice).  A friend dropped him at the train and he was smart – he waited in the car until just a minute before the train was scheduled to leave so he wouldn’t be in the cold long.  I can think of two things even smarter.  Wait in the car until you actually see the train coming and WEAR A COAT.  I never saw him again which could mean that his intelligence level and lack of ability to foresee problems and plan for them came through clearly in the interview (perhaps they saw the frost on his head and no jacket?), or he got pneumonia and is no longer with us, or he just took different trains than me (in which case I hope he learned his lesson and started to bring a jacket).

It’s winter people.  Accept it and put some clothes on.  And I am all about equality.  When it is summer, I’ll talk about how I don’t think you should wear Uggs with shorts.