Nicki Minaj's boobs are going to play a *huge* role on American Idol this year! Now, don't misunderstand me. There's been no official announcement. But, I saw my first commercial for the new season last night. They were so prominent in the promo that there is no way they are not giving them star billing. In just about every shot, there they were. There was no escaping them (on the other hand, *they* were very close to escaping -those puppies were getting ready to pop out any time - I smell a wardrobe malfunction and a selling point for advertisers looking to reach the 15-80 male target population).
I'm a little concerned about this new season. Between Nicki's Boobs, Mariah's seventies hair (seriously, has she *ever* had a contemporary hairstyle?), Keith's blazing white smile that is sure to blind viewers whenever he is on camera (do not put a black light on that man), and whatever word Randy uses along with dawg this season, how will we focus on the singing? Although if the past seasons' trajectory is any indication, the singing is inconsequential. First of all, the judges have pretty much stopped offering any critical commentary whatsoever (and depending upon your own personal standards, any meaningful English whatsoever). Secondly, the anticipation is gone - all you have to do is pick the cute white dude in the top 24 and there's your winner. In the first few seasons, Idol showed some signs of diversity but then it settled down (and the advertisers targeting young girls ponied up) - as long as he shows up and his performances don't totally suck, the white dude wins.
But back to the boobs (which I'm sure will be a standing instruction for the camera guys this year). The lack of scintillating musical commentary and the inevitability of the winner aside, the boobs alone may derail my family's musical appreciation experience. We have always watched American Idol. My kids love it -we DVR it and watch it together. Mini-me the Younger continues to ask for 'Merican Idol long after the season ended. Mini-me the elder still recognizes the winners (and the also rans that we liked) from the past few years (by sight and by voice). She always wanted to know what we thought when someone finished before she said anything (you know, developing her opinions in line with what we think and all that developmental crap - and we always encouraged her to say what she thought). They even liked the judges and when it begins this year I'm sure they'll ask where that girl Steven went. But they're boob obsessed (please don't judge me). The younger is just at that age where they fascinate her and the older gets caught up in it pretty quickly because, well, it's funny to hear the younger go on about boobs so she eggs her on. If the promo is any indication, the conversation in my house will be all about the boobs. And I think we can all agree that Big Guy will be no help whatsover.
Granted Idol hasn't been great these past few years, but we've hung in there. But if I have to dedicate four hours a week (of which it seems there are maybe 20 minutes of singing) to hearing about Nicki Minaj's boobs (and then in all likelihood Mariah's - there is no way Nicki's are getting all the attention) then sorry - it's Snarky Self OUT.
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