I Have Some Suggestions for you Starbucks!

Dear Starbucks - as a frequent and loyal customer (I have a rewards card!  On my phone!) who is willing to pay $3 for a cup of coffee because you have ruined me for Dunkin Donuts (who actually aren't so cheap themselves anymore - thanks for that too), I have a few suggestions that I think will improve the experience for your customers (and by customers I really mean My Snarky Self).  There's not that many so I think implementation will be simple. Here they are (and you're welcome!)

1.  Have two separate lines - one for those who know what they want and one for those who haven't a clue.  Mind you, this isn't a problem for me your customers on weekday mornings, but on weekends you get the coffee shop equivalent of Sunday drivers.  They cruise on in with not much else to do (always in groups of 2 or more and, to be honest, usually of a certain age), spend the entire time on line chatting with each other and then when they arrive at the counter look up at the giant board of drinks THAT HAS BEEN THERE THE ENTIRE TIME THEY HAVE BEEN WAITING to decide what to get.  After a million questions about what each drink is, they inevitably get a small coffee (and complain about the price).  Once everyone has their coffee there is a group consult on where to sit.  At the counter.  In my way the way of the rest of the people waiting patiently on line who know what they want.  Separate lines will fix this problem you don't realize you have.

Lest you think I am being mean to the Sunday coffee buyers, I am going to help them as well with my sage advice.  GO TO MCDONALD'S PEOPLE!  You can get a coffee for a dollar (you had to have seen the commercials and the ads - they are everywhere!) and they have seating too.  Plus we all know that every time you take a sip of Starbucks you will complain it tastes burnt ("burnt coffee at these prices" you'll exclaim).  You'll like the Mickey D's joe so much better.  And I promise if I'm on line ahead of you, my kids will know exactly what they want and we'll be quick.  It's a win win.

2.  This is probably specific to the Starbucks on 23rd off Fifth but just in case it is rampant across locations I'll share it.  You know the little green sticks that go in my coffee top to keep it from spilling that you keep in *one* mug next to *one* register?  Get a second mug, put some in there and put it next to the other register too.  I am tired of being at the register without the sticks and having to reach around another customer to get it or ask the other cashier to stop what they're doing to get me one.  It's not a hard concept.  You don't even have to get more green sticks (if it is an inventory control issue) - just take another mug off the shelf (I know that's where you got the first one - I've seen it there) and move half of the sticks from one mug to the other.  There are only two registers - this is not that hard.  I have even joked with the cashiers "you guys need to grab a second mug and put these at both registers" and they always laugh and say things like "yeah right" or "I know, really" but then they don't do it.  Does it need managerial approval?  Corporate approval?  Is there a staff meeting at which it can be discussed?  To paraphrase the incestuous creep in Gladiator, it vexes me that they can't put out a second mug of little green sticks.

3.  Lastly, stop letting people buy smaller sized drinks in larger cups.  I get a veinti coffee with no room since I don't take milk but if you don't fill it to the brim, and I ask you to please do so, you look at me like I'm cheap while you serve the chick next to me a grande in a veinti cup with a smile as she works the "make the customer happy" system - I know you know she's heading over to the milk bar to fill it to the top so she now has a veinti drink too - but she paid less than me and I'm a customer too - and now I'm not happy.  Hey, if she is choosing to replace some of her coffee with milk that's her choice.  Milk isn't free - I know you know that because if I buy a veinti Misto (half coffee and half warm milk which the entire rest of the coffee world calls a cafe au lait but you're special) you charge me more than you do for my regular coffee.  Let's just agree to charge by the cup size not the amount of liquid you put in it. 

Let's start with these and we'll see how things go.  I don't want to have to go to McDonald's.